Even then I would worry about turning in a project for fear that it would be mediocre—just average. I decided this would be a good time to interrupt. She had spent quite a bit of time describing herself as the victim and the scared, helpless child, but at this moment she had become the judge and the critic. Not very positive roles, but ones with more energy and potential for movement than the part of her that felt so devastated by a poor performance evaluation.
Sounds as if you can be pretty tough on yourself. Where did you learn to talk to yourself that way? Ever since I can remember, they all made fun of me if I asked for help with my homework. I was always expected to do well and have no problems. I suppose they thought they were showing me how bright I was. There was never any praise for my accomplishments, even when I worked very hard. I always felt as if someone was looking over my shoulder, worried about how well I was doing or how smart I was. I felt I had to force myself to do these things for them even though I wanted to be outside playing with the other kids.
It seemed so important to my parents that I be good at something special. I wanted them to be happy, so I really tried for them. Never someone they could be proud of. But it always turns out average. I hate being average. There seems to be no way of pleasing their parents or teachers. Early in life they learn that all they can expect from finishing a project is criticism or so-called constructive feedback on how it might be improved.
For Clare, being in constant conflict with herself was the only way she knew how to be. Every sound you uttered was greeted with applause and a look of encouragement—a reassuring smile that you would do just fine. I feel so stupid. Now stop that and apologize. Where did you learn to talk to yourself in such a tough, critical way? Feeling like a victim had become so much a part of her identity that she simply assumed that the voice of the critic was coming from outside herself.
I was asking her to notice that she was the authoritarian judge. I explained to Clare that she probably learned that demanding voice as an attempt to ensure acceptance from her parents. Thus Clare learned to talk to herself, not as a loving parent, but as a threatening and parental judge. Clare had learned her attitudes about work and her abilities when she was too young to think for herself. Now that she was an adult, I wanted her to decide consciously which attitudes and assumptions made sense to her. I also felt it was important for her to know the theories on which I based my approach to her problems.
I told her that my work was based on a positive attitude about the human spirit, a belief that work and improvement are natural for the human body and mind, and that problems such as procrastination usually come about from suppression of that drive. I asked Clare to keep track of when and why she procrastinated for a few days to make her aware of when the old views were most likely to lead her into negative patterns. From the entries in her log, Clare made a list of her most frequent negative self-statements.
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From these we developed positive challenges to replace them and to redirect her focus toward the task at hand, rather than to questions of her ability or worth. With the use of the Now Habit system, Clare got beyond her image of herself as a procrastinator. She was able to focus on her accomplishments, her strengths, her innate drive for quality work, her intellectual curiosity, and her desire to improve whatever situation she was in. Having become her own source of approval, Clare grew less dependent on external judgments of her worth and was able to face work without procrastinating.
She had unlearned her need to procrastinate and could now start thinking, feeling, and acting like a producer. In the case of Clare, who had many underlying reasons for seeking procrastination as a refuge, she learned to use procrastination because it effectively lessened her fear of being judged. The main reason we learn any habit, as Drs. Frederick Kanfer and Jeanne Phillips tell us in Learning Foundations of Behavior Therapy, is that even a seemingly counterproductive habit like procrastination is immediately followed by some reward. Procrastination reduces tension by taking us away from something we view as painful or threatening.
The more painful work is for you, the more you will try to seek relief through avoidance or through involvement in more pleasurable activities. The more you feel that endless work deprives you of the pleasure of leisure time, the more you will avoid work. In a sense we become addicted to using procrastination as a way to temporarily reduce the anxiety associated with certain tasks.
If the work we thought we had to do later proves to be unnecessary, we have a justification and a double reward for procrastinating. Generally we are taught that procrastination is the problem, rather than a symptom of other problems. This diagnosis, instead of directing your efforts toward ending the cycle of pressure, fear, and procrastination, unfortunately makes matters worse by blaming you for choosing such an awful habit.
Just do it. If you believe that a judgment of your work is a judgment of yourself, then perfectionism, self-criticism, and procrastination are necessary forms of protection. Observing your hesitation to start or complete a project, supervisors and family members—often with good intentions—add encouragement, pressure, and threats to get you moving. As conflict builds between your internal fears of failure or imperfection and the external demands of others, you seek relief through procrastination.
Procrastination does not start the pattern. From the perspective of the Now Habit, procrastination follows perfectionistic or overwhelming demands and a fear that even minor mistakes will lead to devastating criticism and failure. We can become addicted to the rewards of procrastination, learning to use it in three main ways: 1.
As we consider in more depth these major reasons for procrastinating, notice which ones reveal the underlying causes of your own procrastination patterns. Procrastination Can Express Resentment You can use procrastination to get even with powerful authorities who place you in situations where your alternatives all seem negative. Pay the bills or go to jail, give up your vacation or lose your job. Procrastination in such situations reflects your resentment at the authority who placed you in this no- win dilemma.
You feel like a victim whose life is controlled by others who make the rules. I have to have the presentation ready by Friday. If I were God there would be no parking tickets. But by procrastinating, you temporarily, secretly dethrone this authority. You can resist by dragging your feet and giving a halfhearted effort. If you are in a one- down position—a student, a subordinate, a private in the army—procrastination may be the safest way to exercise some power and control over your life.
Bedridden patients, who appear totally helpless in comparison with the authority of the hospital staff, are seldom given opportunities to exercise control in their lives. Larry, a fifty-five-year-old production supervisor in a company that produces CDs, used procrastination to balance the inequities he saw between himself and his manager. He had been passed over for promotion several times.
Over the years Larry had grown bitter about the younger people who were being promoted while he seemed destined to stay at the same level. Without being totally aware of what he was doing, Larry began to ignore requests from Bill for reports and accounts. Procrastination and laziness seemed to be the causes of his problems. But they were only surface attempts at coping with deep resentment and hurt. Larry felt powerless and stuck—too old to look for another job, he had to stick it out without ever saying anything about how he felt about the unfairness.
Self-empowerment and stopping the victim role would be the hardest parts of applying the Now Habit tools for Larry. This was still his job, and he believed in his ability to do it well— in fact, better than any other employee. In an attempt to change the direction of his counterproductive struggle, Larry began to apply effective goal-setting, acknowledging where he was in the company rather than holding on to the fantasy of where he should be. It was difficult for Larry to admit that Bill was in charge and could affect his job; but denying this fact had kept him too long in a fatiguing and unpleasant struggle.
The manager now considers Larry one of his most trusted employees, and Larry feels powerful in effecting a change in his work environment and his own feelings. His procrastination is no longer a problem because the underlying resentment and powerlessness have been removed. Certainly others are frequently in positions of power to affect you and your job, and they might even try to judge your work or your skills. But they can never make you into a victim or a procrastinator. Only you can do that.
Procrastination Is Often Used Against Fear of Failure If you maintain extremely high standards for your performance and are critical of your mistakes, you will need to defend yourself from risky projects where the chances of failure are high. Perfectionism and self-criticism are, in fact, the chief causes of fear of failure.
All of us at some time in our lives fail to achieve some of our goals, and that can be very disappointing and quite painful. But a failure to a perfectionist is like a small cut to a hemophiliac. The need to procrastinate as a protection against criticism and failure is particularly strong for those who feel they have to succeed at one specific goal, seeing no acceptable alternatives. Those who gain their sense of identity from many areas are more resilient when failing in any one area. For example, a professional tennis player is more likely to be upset by losing a match than is an amateur player for whom tennis is only one of many activities in the week.
This has been borne out in studies by Yale psychologist Patricia W. You need some form of escape to relieve the anxiety and to disengage your self-esteem from how well you do at this game of tennis, this exam, or this job. In such a predicament, procrastination can serve as a delaying action and as a way of getting you past your perfectionism. If you delay starting your work, you cannot do your best and so any criticism or failure will not be a judgment of the real you or your best effort.
If you delay making a decision, the decision will be made for you and you will not have to take responsibility if something goes wrong. Whether it was a piano recital, an exam, a job interview, or a presentation at a meeting, Elaine died a thousand deaths. The mere thought of even a minor error caused her hours, often days, of panic and anxiety.
Elaine was raised in a family of intense, high-energy, high achievers. Everywhere she looked on her family tree she saw alphabet soup: M. She had internalized their well-intended pressure to mean she had to be perfect, to never make a mistake. And this perfectionism was actually causing her to freeze at crucial moments and to ultimately avoid, through procrastination, any situation in which her performance might be evaluated.
When I first asked Elaine about her sense of innate worth, she was dumbfounded. To avoid procrastination, she would need to create a contract with herself that whenever she made a mistake, she would remind herself of her worth, quickly forgive herself for not being perfect, and rapidly start over. In other words, Elaine learned to accept herself as being perfectly human. When success in our career causes conflict in our relationships, procrastination can serve as an attempt to maintain contact with two worlds that seem diametrically opposed.
Being unwilling to fully choose one over the other, we attempt to walk a middle ground by spending time with friends— sometimes resentfully—while procrastinating on work and suppressing the drive for success. In one of its more insidious forms, fear of success can express itself through unconscious self-defeating behavior. The drive for success involves setting a goal, making it a high priority, and then investing time and energy toward its achievement. As the demands on your time and attention become greater, friends and family may come to resent your ambitions and your success.
They may see your high-priority projects as indications that you care less for them and that their relationship with you is threatened. Working through tests quickly and easily in grammar school did not endear Dorothy to her schoolmates. Ambivalence and procrastination in doing her homework were the first signs that Dorothy was beginning to hold back for the sake of being popular.
While Dorothy could never openly sabotage her performance, she did procrastinate in an attempt to avoid the hurt of being ostracized for her success. By the time she reached adulthood, Dorothy had learned that success had its disadvantages. From her earliest experiences she had learned to fear competition, not because she could lose, but because she could win so easily. Being bright and athletic, oddly enough, made it very difficult for Dorothy to maintain friendships in grammar school and high school. College was different for her, however. Here she was more readily accepted. There were students who could compete at her level and some who even challenged her to test her limits.
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However, Dorothy found herself in the same class as her new boyfriend. This made her very anxious. She was leery of endangering her new friendship with Paul. Luckily, Dorothy had a professor and a boyfriend who were willing to support her success. She had to learn to trust in the true friendship of those interested in her advancement, even if others would turn away out of jealousy. Dorothy had to learn to make the difficult choice between whole-hearted effort, with its probability of success, or the popularity offered by those who required her to be less successful. She learned that procrastination had become a convenient way of remaining ambivalent about this decision.
Once Dorothy began facing the possible and the imagined consequences of success, she was able to make rapid decisions about her work and no longer needed procrastination. Perhaps a more common fear of success results when we know that completing a particular project will be a mixed blessing, leading to both gains and losses. In business and in school, stagnation can develop when one completes a phase of career or education. There is a reluctance to leave what is familiar for the unknown, a reluctance to leave one level that has been mastered for a promotion into a new area where one must begin again the awkward and risky steps of the novice.
It had been difficult for John to leave the comfort of the college campus for the so-called cold, cruel world. Upon graduating he quickly found a new home in a firm that treated him like one of the family. Within two years, however, John had learned everything he could in this small accounting firm. The job had become routine for him, and executive headhunters were making him tempting offers from large, competitive companies with challenging jobs. John was terrified of leaving another comfortable home for a job where he might feel like a small fish in a big pond.
He coped with his fear of success by obsessive list-making of pros and cons that kept him procrastinating on a decision for two more years. John needed to start with a real choice and with full responsibility for his decision. He also needed to know that if he failed, or even just had some difficulty with his new job, he would not criticize himself harshly for making a mistake. His demand on himself for perfection left little room for taking reasonable risks and bouncing back from unexpected difficulties.
Delayed Fear of Failure. If you have been doing well, it is very likely that higher and higher expectations will be set for you. It takes the fun out of winning. The chain of reasoning goes like this: you work hard and long for a very difficult goal, such as pole-vaulting sixteen feet. You barely make the jump, but somehow you succeed. With each successful jump it becomes more and more difficult to face the bar knowing the rewards are fleeting, the expectations for better performances are ever mounting, and the chances of failure are increasing.
The higher you go the more competitive it becomes—the greater the likelihood that you could fail. Success raises the anxiety that still more is going to be expected in the future. This pattern is often seen in movie and sports celebrities who burn out or who turn to drugs in an attempt to sustain superstar productivity. Resistance to the demands of success is often mixed with delayed fear of failure. Having achieved success, you would like to rest, but the crowd, the family, and the cost of your elevated lifestyle continually demand that you keep working hard.
Your motivation had dried up. At this point, you need more efficient ways of working, and you need the cooperation of every part of you. Procrastination has been learned, and it can be unlearned. Therefore, to gain control over procrastination, you need to develop alternative tools for coping with your fears, to make work less painful and less depriving.
The Now Habit will give you the tools to overcome procrastination by making work more enjoyable and making the quality and pleasure of your leisure time greater than you could ever achieve by procrastinating. You can use your awareness of negative patterns to redirect your energy toward forming positive habits. Identifying how you go about doing anything is essential to improving your performance.
Once you identify specific negative behaviors you can actually use their onset to redirect your energy toward your goals. I will teach you to become aware of how and when you procrastinate. Just observe yourself objectively, like an anthropologist who records the behavior and rituals of a foreign culture without making judgments.
For now, just concentrate on becoming aware of your current behavior patterns. Observe where your time is going. And note how that differs from those times when you are busy but producing nothing. Difficulties in gauging how much time it takes to complete a project, to travel across town, or to make it to a meeting on time are often part of procrastination. Realistic time management and a structure for focusing on commitments are necessary tools for making the transformation from procrastination to productivity.
If you find yourself chronically late, overwhelmed with details, surprised by deadlines, procrastinating on dozens of projects, and with insufficient time for recreation and relationships, you have a time- management problem. There are many theories about why humans have difficulty managing their time.
But the difficulties remain a fact for most of us, regardless of the theory.
We need a structure to keep us aware of the passage of time and how we spend it. Keeping an inventory for three days of every waking activity is a way to gain control over where your time goes. Notice the total time spent on each activity. Then, through dividing that total by three, you arrive at an estimate of the average daily amount of time spent on each activity. Divide your day into three or four segments—for example: morning, afternoon, and evening—to better assess when you are the most and the least productive.
Record the time spent on each activity throughout your day. Fran, an assistant manager in a clothing firm, came to me to gain control over time lost procrastinating on her job and to find more quality time with her husband and friends. Fran constantly felt rushed, with no time to concentrate on her major responsibilities, no real sense of achievement about what she had accomplished, and only halfhearted enjoyment of her free time. Then Fran agreed to keep a record of how she spent her time. From this we could note any discrepancies between how much time she wanted to spend on her top priorities and how she actually spends her time.
By setting priorities in your work, you gain a clearer view of those tasks that really matter to you and your long-term goals. Having too many urgent tasks indicates poor time management and avoidance of the really important activities that pay off in the long term. She decided that she wanted to get out of bed immediately and spend less time on breakfast. By eliminating television in the morning and evening on those days when she was pressed for time, Fran estimated that she could save seventy-five minutes a day and get to bed earlier. By taking care of personal errands in the evening instead of in the morning, Fran could be better prepared and on time for work.
In addition, Fran reviewed her goals to spend more leisure time with her friends and to have more time for reading and recreation. She found that if she changed her lunch routine two or three times a week to include a walk or a yoga or aerobics class leaving enough time for a light meal , she was often more refreshed and productive in the afternoon than if she had eaten a large meal. Maintaining your own record for a few days will give you a pretty good estimate of how you spend your time.
This will reveal patterns that you may wish to change and others that you wish to encourage or start earlier in your day. You may be alarmed to find that much of what transpires in your life is not directly related to high- priority tasks. Much of the legitimate activity in life is not directly related to productivity.
For example, work in a large organization does involve socializing, meetings, and communication to maintain a team approach and commitment to a common vision. Simply look for areas of improvement and greater control over interruptions and lost time. With an answering machine or administrative assistant, most telephone calls can be returned at your convenience rather than handled as they come in, breaking your concentration and momentum.
What would happen to your efficiency level if you started on a high-priority project first thing in the morning, rather than reading the mail or making phone calls?
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Use your record to identify the events that precede procrastination or low- priority work. Knowing which events trigger negative habits will help you switch to more productive activities. You may also discover that recording the amount of time spent on priority projects gives you greater control over where your time goes, makes it easier for you to enjoy leisure time free of guilt, and encourages you to do quality, concentrated work whenever you can.
Think back to last week. Do you know what you did, how much time was lost, and what you were feeling that led you to procrastinate? Probably not. It provides a system to make it easier for you to gain control of your time and your behavior patterns. Another of my clients, Frank, an insurance salesman, was very productive with the important projects of his life—he performed his job well, he met his appointments and deadlines on time, and he was available for his wife and children.
But his hatred of details and correspondence was catching up with him and making him feel like a procrastinator. His desk was completely covered with overdue bills, uncashed checks, and unanswered letters, which frequently would be lost in the pile. Why was a productive man like Frank procrastinating on sending photos to his mother? Frank discovered that whenever he saw that desk he felt overwhelmed with the work it represented and his mind quickly turned toward other projects—such as gardening, building a table for his children, reading material from the office.
In addition, his overflowing desk had become a painful reminder of all the people to whom he owed letters, of his own self-criticism about this one corner of disorganization in his otherwise orderly life. For Frank, small tasks had become lost in a formidable pile that was too easily avoided in favor of tasks that were more rewarding and had more easily identifiable steps.
With the Now Habit tools, Frank was able to replace self-criticism for the messiness of the entire desk with a commitment to start now on accomplishing one task such as finding the photos, and writing a letter, placing everything in an addressed, stamped envelope for a short period of time such as fifteen to thirty minutes , and reorder his breaks and rewards so that they followed a short period of work rearranging the photos, gathering the bills together, or writing one letter.
To maintain his momentum, Frank chose three times a week when he would spend at least one-half hour organizing and filing incoming mail, bills, and letters. This may sound too easy. Even an elementary use of the log will give you important information about your procrastination patterns and inner dialogue. You will want to include as basic information the day and time that you procrastinated, the activity you postponed and its priority, your thoughts and feelings about the task, your reason for procrastinating, the type of procrastination you used, your attempts at reducing anxiety, and your resultant thoughts and feelings.
Notice in the sample Procrastination Log how, on the first task, this person worked on one file for his income tax report and then took a walk, with the result that he felt good about starting and enjoyed his walk. By breaking down your procrastination patterns in this way you equip yourself to target the thoughts and feelings that need to be guided toward production. You know how monumental the deprivation, self-criticism, and perfectionism have become if you find yourself compelled to clean the grout in your shower or organize your closets.
But you are only accomplishing low-priority tasks that offer only partial satisfaction. You will continue to procrastinate until you adopt a strategy that allows you to find full satisfaction in starting on your high-priority projects. These feelings, and the attitudes that cause them, get in the way of efficiently completing difficult tasks. Identify the fears and pressures you typically associate with certain types of projects. For example, notice how you might be mentally complicating a task so that it appears overwhelming.
Be especially aware of how you talk to yourself and how your language leads to procrastination or production the next chapter will address in depth how to change your self-statements and make them more effective in achieving your goals. Your procrastination log will alert you to your inner dialogue and how it is helping or hindering your goal achievement.
Awareness of your inner dialogue and how it connects to your procrastination patterns will allow you to get the most out of the Now Habit strategy. The first major step out of procrastination is to become aware of how fear leads to your old patterns and how creating safety leads to productivity. Situation A. The task before you is to walk a solid board that is thirty feet long, four inches thick, and one foot wide.
You have all the physical, mental, and emotional abilities necessary to perform this task. You can carefully place one foot in front of the other, or you can dance, skip, or leap across the board. You can do it. No problem. Take a minute to close your eyes, relax, and imagine yourself in that situation. Notice how you feel about this task. Are you scared or blocked in any way? Do you feel any need to procrastinate? Fear of failing or making a mistake cannot be an issue here, but you might find that you delay starting out of a need to assert your independence and to resist being asked to do even a simple task such as walking a board.
Situation B. Now imagine that the task is just the same, to walk a board thirty feet long and one foot wide, and you have the same abilities; only now the board is suspended between two buildings feet above the pavement. Look across to the other end of the board and contemplate beginning your assignment. What do you feel? What are you thinking about? What are you saying to yourself? Take a moment to notice how your reactions in this situation differ from those you had in situation A.
Notice how rapidly your feelings about the task change when the height of the board changes and the consequences of falling are greater. What if I fall? The consequences of falling or making a mistake would probably be death. The danger of a mistake is now so great that you must stop to consider this threat to your life. Ironically, on a psychological level you are often the one who raises the board off the ground by changing a straightforward task into a test of your worth, proof that you are acceptable, or a test of whether you will be successful and happy or a failure and miserable.
In most cases you are the one who confuses just doing the job with testing your worth, where one possible mistake would feel like the end of the world. When your early training leads you to believe that your self-worth is determined by your performance, you must focus on self-protection from failing and falling rather than on just doing the job. Now shut that situation and scene off and take a deep breath before moving on to the next situation. Situation C. In this scene you are still on the board suspended between two buildings, feet above the ground.
The task remains simple and you still have all the ability necessary to do it, yet you remain frozen on your end of the board. While thinking about what to do, you suddenly feel heat behind you and can hear the crackling noise of fire. The building supporting your end of the board is on fire! What are your thoughts now? How have you changed your focus from the previous situation? Remember, just a moment ago you were frozen in fright about the possibility of falling feet. Dignity and embarrassment are no longer important. Notice how quickly your feelings change when you know there is a more immediate and real danger than the possibility of falling.
How did you do that? Are you surprised to find yourself creatively solving the problem of crossing the board, with little consideration of your fear of falling? A moment ago, the mere image of a life-threatening situation may have caused you stress. If the image of the fire was not a great motivator for you, see how your worries about being perfect and of falling diminish when you imagine that a small child is on the other side crying for your help. Notice that human compassion and courage are additional ways in which you can overcome your fears and your habit of procrastination.
Now that you have an immediate time pressure, a real deadline—the fire—you jump into the task with both feet, doing it any old way you can. Now you find yourself unstuck and motivated to start moving. Procrastination and Anxiety Work in Five Stages First, you give a task or a goal the power to determine your worth and happiness.
Berkeley psychologist Rich Beery states that fear of failure stems from assuming that what you produce reflects your complete ability.
You therefore use procrastination to protect your worth from being judged. Second, you use perfectionism to raise the task feet above the ground, so that any mistakes would be tantamount to death, and any failure or rejection would be intolerable. You demand that you do it perfectly—without anxiety, with complete acceptance from your audience, with no criticism. For example, many of us feel that our performance measures not only our ability but also our value as a human being.
Third, you find yourself frozen with anxiety as your natural stress response produces adrenaline to deal with threats to your survival. The more issues you pile upon this task the more serious the threat if an error occurs. Fourth, you then use procrastination to escape your dilemma, which brings the deadline closer, creating time pressure, a higher level of anxiety, and a more immediate and frightening threat than even your fear of failure or of criticism for imperfect work. You might even feel more powerful at this point; after all, you balanced out your anxieties and made them work for you.
Fifth and last stage, you then use a real threat, such as a fire or a deadline, to release yourself from perfectionism and to act as a motivator. A very convoluted and costly device, to be sure, but nevertheless it works to override the paralysis of your perfectionism and fear of failure. Once again you learn that procrastination makes sense and is rewarded. And it will keep you in this insidious cycle until you unlearn it and replace it with more effective and efficient methods of approaching work and worth.
Situation D. What are your feelings now? Can you imagine yourself walking that board, contemplating the completion of this task? It might even be fun. Are you vague about your goals and values? Are you unfulfilled, frustrated, depressed? Are you indecisive and afraid of being criticized for making a mistake? Are low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness holding you back from becoming productive? Martin Seligman—on what Dr. He says that humor and positive emotions and thoughts have healing potential.
The Now Habit applies a similar positive attitude about the human spirit to the problem of procrastination. If human nature has this ability to be so positive and active, then why do we procrastinate? That is, we procrastinate when we fear a threat to our sense of worth and independence. We only act lazy when our natural drive for fruitful activity is threatened or suppressed. Theodore Rubin in his book Compassion and Self-Hate suggests that it is the fear of failure, the fear of being imperfect perfectionism , and the fear of impossible expectations being overwhelmed that prevent us from acting on and attaining humanly possible goals and relationships.
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